My Chronic Pain Origin Story

It started in my 20’s when I lived abroad in the United Kingdom (can you guess where?). I worked as a temp and was doing data entry for a car insurance company. I went above and beyond to get the job done, as I was conditioned to do by society. Those parental voices in my head, telling me to prove myself at all costs! Impress the boss! After entering too much data at lightening speed, I ended up with hurt forearms, wrists, and hands. Of course, as a young person, I definitely did not listen to my body’s cues. I didn’t try to go see a doctor. I pushed through every day of work following my injury, trying to match that same amount of data entry each day. Eventually, I left that job to become an au pair, and thought my days of pain were behind me.

When I returned to Canada, I had re-enrolled in school which meant a ton of computer time. The pain crept back eventually. Late nights, trying to finish assignments with my computer on my lap on the couch, in bed, anywhere other than an ergonomically sound desk set-up.

Upon graduation, I moved across the country to BC and I ended up working in an incredibly demanding, non-profit position and classically burnt myself out there too. Again, even though I finally felt like an adult with my big girl job, I didn’t feel like I had enough reasons to see a doctor or do anything about it. Putting in the hours to the detriment of my health was expected and normalized. I just wore a wrist brace on hard days and went to bed when it was too much.

I really started to notice the chronic part of my pain when I had my children and holding my baby or breastfeeding my baby prevented me from being able to accomplish any other household tasks. I was a young mom, I figured it was normal to feel this way and didn’t add up my health history with chronic arm, wrist, and now neck and shoulder pain. My partner took over doing the dishes and some of the cleaning so I could focus on providing food for my young children.

At the same time as having babies, I started a successful wedding and family photography business that was getting our family by while my husband (at the time) completed his PhD. Shoots were getting harder and harder to make it through. The hours were already grueling 12-18 hour days plus travel, with “breaks” to pump breastmilk. I couldn’t hold a steady shot for the film portion of our business and even shooting B roll brought on excrutiating pain.At some point, I did go to my family doctor. I was wearing braces. I was referred to a specialist. Although I very much presented like someone who was suffering from what western medicine calls carpal tunnel, my nerve pain wasn’t as severe yet , according to that specalist, so treatment was not going to be available to me. Frustrated, I just found new ways to cope with this invisible illness and tried to rest during fair-ups.

What would happen in my flair-ups

Each time I was burnt out I would,

• Take advil or tylenol

• Have a bath to try and ease the pain

• Feel dismissed by every western medicine practitioner because I wasn’t in enough pain to tick their boxes

• Fail at taking care of my children and showing up for my partner the way I wanted to

• Order takeout or groceries

• Need an exceptional amount of rest in order to feel like I could get ahead anywhere

• Struggle financially as a result of requiring extra rest, pay extra for life things I couldn’t do on my own,  and try to make it work with a loss of income

• Feel like I was letting everyone down

• Spiral into anxiety and depression

Eventually, it got worse. My monthly flair ups turned into weekly, turned into daily when the stress was compounded by opening up a brick and mortar location for my doula business. I felt like, if I didn’t hustle, I wasn’t going to keep us afloat, and we weren’t going to accomplish our dreams. I also had a created this new businss with a new business partner, and her young family’s hopes and dreams were also on my shoulders. The pressure was on full force. There were times where I couldn’t do anything with my hands. Opening doors, jars, chopping food. I felt useless. I couldn’t understand how I didn’t qualify for some kind of label. There was nothing I wanted more than to be FREE of this pain, free of the debilitation and uselessness I felt. Sound familiar?

Eventually, I diagnosed myself with chronic pain! I learned about others who dealt with the same, and started to advocate when I had no spoons left. When I enrolled in my Clinical Herbalist program, an entire world of plant medicine greeted me and I found ways to work with the inflammation trapped in my body and began discovering the roots of my mysterious illness.

If you’re curious about how plant medicine can help you, and want to do the work of finding the roots of your health and wellness concerns, book your Herbal Wellness intake session.

I also offer 15 minute free discovery calls if you have any questions about the process and how clinical herbalism can help.

—Nessa Hayes, Clinical Herbalist

Please let me know if this sounds like you in the comments section and tell me more about your chronic pain experience!